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Bullied in the Workplace? Here’s Help!
When I received the article link to the Harvard Business Review article on bullying, it reminded me that I wanted to address this topic since I saw a fabulous presentation by Janet Glover-Kerkvliet at the Middle Atlantic Career Counseling Association through her role at the Workplace Bullying Institute. My notes are long since lost, but what I most remember and advise clients routinely is that the situation will most likely not change. The best recourse is to cut losses and start networking and looking for a new job.
The Harvard Business Review article noted that 48.6 million Americans or about 30% of the workforce are being bullied at work. Bullying has a significant impact not only psychologically, but physically, socially, economically and even organizationally, such as lost productivity, increased healthcare costs and turnover and replacement costs.
From the program and the Workplace Bullying Institute site, I’ve been most struck by:
Errors in Traditional Advice –
-Confronting the bully – It’s natural to think you should do this, but usually it doesn’t work and the bully has the power of surprise.
-Tell the bully’s boss – This person will not stop it because they likely know about the bully and condone or ignore the behavior, or they may be afraid of the bully.
-Tell Human Resources – HR is a management support function and not in a role to advocate. Even if a well-meaning HR person wanted to help, they usually do not have the clout to affect behavior, especially with higher-level managers. The Workplace Bullying Institute advises to tell HR last.
How to Take Action –
-Don’t delay action from paralysis, shame, hoping the bully will stop, or waiting until an investigation by HR or a law firm is over which can take months. Cut losses and start the healing process.
-Recognize and name the bullying early. Listen to your gut and perspectives of friends and family.
-Spend time quality time with people who can validate who you were before the bullying to help you counter shame.
-Find a mental health professional with expertise in trauma.
-Document specific situations, dates, places and who was present. Ask colleagues “Did you hear that?” Asking “Has it ever happened to you?” can help break the silence.
-Connect with an attorney to explore legal options. This can be difficult in that bullying is not illegal, but sometimes is connected to discrimination issues.
-If you want to go public, do so with the highest ranking neutral upper-level manager. Assemble cost data to show a business reason to address bullying. Rehearse and focus on facts, not emotions.
-Be prepared to be fired for speaking out. Keep contacts and projects organized and accessible at home as permitted since terminations for employees are often immediate.
-Begin networking and looking for another job to be happier and healthier.
The Workplace Bullying Institute has a plethora or resources for organizations wishing to prevent and intervene with bullying behavior and training for professionals of all backgrounds including in the mental health, HR, legal, and education fields.
The Workplace Bullying Institute has a special comprehensive section called Help for Bullied People, with sections including:
I hope these insights help many people whether you are being bullied, know a victim, or can help someone personally or professionally who is being bullied.
Since the message that most resonated is that the bully will not change, please know I am here to help with action steps of networking and looking for a new job.
Is the job a bad fit, or is it a bad day?
(Pittsburgh Post-Gazette Article/Litzinger Interview, September 25, 2022, by Hannah Qu)
It’s one of those times when you feel like your work is going nowhere, your boss is harsh and unapproachable, and your colleagues are aloof. You are thinking about quitting your job as many people have in the past year.
But wait. Are you and your job really a bad fit, or are you just having a bad day?
A McKinsey report in fall 2021 showed that 40% of people at the workplace were at least somewhat likely to quit their jobs in the next three to six months, with 18% of those respondents likely to almost certain to make the move. The findings were consistent across five countries surveyed — Australia, Canada, Singapore, the U.K. and the U.S.
The top 10 reasons for leaving were:
And with the pandemic giving many people a new lens with which to view their lives, many have been reconsidering what they want.
“The Great Resignation or the group shuffling has been all about people reevaluating their lives,” said Karen Litzinger, a Pittsburgh-based certified career counselor and author of “Help Wanted: An A to Z Guide to Cope with the Ups and Downs of the Job Search.”
“I’m seeing a lot of people who said they thought about a career change, or they were unhappy for five to 10 years, and then the pandemic is really causing them to want to take some action.”
Lately, that action for many has been to tell the boss goodbye. Data released by U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics showed 4.3 million Americans quitting their jobs in May.
But is that the right move for everyone?
Ms. Litzinger said she encourages people to consider how big of a change to make when they are unhappy with their current job: Is it the career field, the specific employer, the industry, or something in themselves that is making them unhappy? She also suggests looking into whether their interests, their skills, their personality and their values fit their job.
“I try to help them evaluate why they are unhappy. Whether it’s this specific employer, and maybe it is the supervisor — they are being rigid and won’t allow remote working, or the hours aren’t good — that might mean a job change,” Ms. Litzinger said.
“Sometimes it’s an industry change: They really don’t care about the industry, and they could apply their skills in something that they cared more about.”
For those who decide to change their career, she said the first thing is to be as sure as possible about the change before they make it.
“Ways to reduce the risk would be related to looking at themselves … and then also to look to see what’s out there,” Ms. Litzinger said. “It might be reading about careers from a real career information site or LinkedIn with your job vacancies, narrowing it down to two or three top careers and talk to two or three people in these careers.”
She emphasized that networking is important. It not only increases the chance of getting the job, but also those people in an applicant’s network could also potentially know more about the employer and help workers avoid once again landing on a job that they don’t like.
As for people who decide to stay with their current job, she advised implementing more self-care and coping strategies and considering looking for internal transfer or a promotion.
“What can I do differently if I’m choosing to be here? And what can I do differently in terms of my response to the situation?”
Making a Living – A Personal Story of Class
The recent death of Barbara Ehrenreich, author of the New York Times best seller Nickel and Dimed, reminded me of wanting to write about a neighbor who worked at the local Giant Eagle grocery store as a cashier. I meant to share this years ago. It’s a simple, yet complex story. It’s a story of class and the American Dream.
I was buying some last-minute supplies for our neighborhood’s annual block party celebrating National Night Out. In my welcoming manner, I invited and likely encouraged this neighbor that I didn’t know so well who was bagging my groceries to come to the event. She replied that she couldn’t make it since she was working her second job that evening.
Something about her comment jarred me. I felt sad that she needed to work two jobs. I’m figuring it was to make ends meet, but it could have been for another reason. I felt a bit embarrassed that I’m into this little neighborhood event and she had more pressing ways to spend her time. I felt a class difference that made me feel uncomfortable. Right, and she was bagging my groceries! Being able to earn a living working one job afforded me the privilege to organize and attend a community event.
I had a flashback to Barbara Ehrenreich’s Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America. In 1998 she went “undercover” to experience the life of working minimum wage jobs, fully immersed living off of that income, I believe for a year. With millions living in poverty, she was inspired to see if the promise of welfare reform was real, that any job can enable a better life. It was clear that in order to have a roof over her head and food on the table, the $6.00 minimum wage required having two jobs. It is a compelling, classic work that I think is still relevant today. How interesting that she died three days before Labor Day.
Even though wages are going up, partly thanks to the pandemic, they are not keeping pace with inflation. Working two jobs often doesn’t afford the privilege of community activities, school involvement, and children’s extracurricular activities. Wouldn’t we all be better off if this were more possible?
People are sometimes needing to be in two jobs to make ends meet through no fault of their own. Reasons might be parents couldn’t afford post-high school education, divorce, unexpected health costs, and so much more. Personally I think people who work two jobs are most likely hard workers.
It’s hard for me to write this article about class and not mention race, partially because I am just finishing the book Waking Up White and Finding the Story of Race, by Debby Irving. I want everyone to read this book, oops I mean white people! Email me, and I will buy you a copy! It’s had that much impact on me. This topic may be another article, but I wanted to mention it. No, my grocery store neighbor was not a person of color. Yes, I believe there are so many more unseen and historic barriers to the American Dream for people of color from our 400+ year history of racism.