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Navigating the Cycles of Life: Endings and Beginnings

This autumn has caused me to reflect about the natural cycle of endings and beginnings. Around the time a close friend died, my neighbor had her baby and I attended my granddaughter‘s baby shower. What endings and beginnings are you experiencing? What are those that simply happened and those that you can or did create?

Perhaps you or someone you know are contemplating whether to end a job and look for a new one? Perhaps you’re contemplating retirement? Or thinking about what activities to bring into your life for more meaning? Decisions and new beginnings involve risk. It’s often easier to stay with what’s comfortable even if it’s not satisfying. Yet life is short. Time ticks away.

As we move into a season of gratitude and winter celebrations, appreciate what you have and look toward greater joy.

I’m happy to help as needed with career counseling. And no matter what your stage or age, poet Mary Oliver offers this reflective challenge:

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” Mary Oliver, The Summer Day

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What’s Your Decision-Making Style? A Quiz of Sorts.

As I am in the midst of a very long-overdue bathroom renovation with dozens of decisions, I have renewed empathy for my career counseling clients.  It doesn’t help that I’m a Libra; we are known for indecision. This has been an agonizing process for me.  After narrowing down paint choices and going in for three samples, I came back with a dozen more paint chips. How could this happen?  Whether you are weighing a job or career decision, or some other life decision, now or later, I thought you might enjoy a little insight into your own style. Of course, your style can vary and be a combination, but likely you lean toward one.

As an indecisive person, I thought it would be a win-win to research and present a program on the topic at my professional association.  (Note: I’m much better at helping others with their decisions than making my own, so please do keep those referrals coming!) I’m going to share a bit from the handout I had created for distribution, and happy to send you the whole resource sheet upon request which also includes the “Help” sections. Right, that’s an important part, but the article would have been just tooooo looong!

The following five decision-making styles were identified by Susanne G. Scott and Reginald A. Bruce. Their work is known as the General Decision-Making Style model (CDMS) which includes a related inventory. Although it may appear that some styles are more positive than others, individuals could have positive outcomes regardless of the style.  Typically career decisions are most grounded and less risky if they involve a balance of factual information and gut feelings.

Rational: Prefer to gather and analyze information systematically. Make logical and objective choices based on careful review of available information.

  • Potential Problem: Analysis Paralysis “I need more career information.”  “I’m overwhelmed by the information.”

Intuitive: Prefer to rely on gut feelings and instincts. Make choices based on a quick, less structured assessment of the situation.

  • Potential Problem: Not grounded in information. “I thought this was what I wanted, then I learned this.” “The career wasn’t what I expected.”

Dependent: Tend to seek input and guidance from others. They may feel more comfortable relying on external support and opinions.

  • Potential Problem: Pleasing others rather than self. “My professor/supervisor thought I’d be good at this.” “What do you think I should do?”

Avoidant: Tendency to procrastinate or avoid making decisions altogether. May feel overwhelmed by decision-making and prefer to delay it.

  • Potential Problem: Ending up rather than choosing. “I need to choose a major next week.” “It’s ok I was let go since I didn’t like the job anyhow.”

Spontaneous: Typically make quick decisions without thorough analysis. May rely on their immediate reactions, acting on the spur of the moment.

  • Potential Problem: Going from one job/career to another. “I had to get out of that job/major, though it looked ok initially.” “I feel like a jack of all trades and no career path.”

I’m figuring you have guessed my style by now. A dear friend who has been on this agonizing bathroom renovation journey with me, sweetly joked: “Maybe in your next life you won’t come back as a Libra.”

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Career Path Surprises: What Herb Alpert Can Teach Us

I had the joy this month of attending a concert by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass.  It’s a national tour that celebrates his 90th birthday and the 60th anniversary of the 1965 #1 hit album Whipped Cream. What I thought I wanted to write about was his sharing that when his 98-year-old sister asked “why in the world are you doing this”, he answered “it gives me energy.”  Does YOUR work give you energy?  What can you do to give yourself energy in general?  For me, a big thing is dancing, so it’s been fun to enjoy dancing to A Taste of Honey again, like I did in my childhood game room.

Then I realized that so much about what Herb Alpert shared and what I additionally learned about him had the theme of SURPRISES. As a career counselor who helps people with career “planning,” it was a nice reminder that you just never really know.  We can try to plan for the future, but sometimes life just unfolds.

Here are a few surprises and reflective insights:

-Just before the concert, I read that he is Jewish! How interesting that he picked up the trumpet at 8, fell in love with the music at bullfights in Mexico, and then introduced Latin-inspired music to the American public. REFLECTION: Anything is possible!

-He helped launch grammy-winner Brazilian musician Sergio Mendez through his company A&M Records in 1966. REFLECTION: Support others and authenticity.

-As a record producer, he turned down the eventual number one hit Louie, Louie. REFLECTION: Sometimes we make mistakes.

-His big breakthrough was the song Whipped Cream that trumpeter and band leader Al Hirt turned down. By the end of 1965 it was the best-selling album in the US, surpassing the Beatles, Rolling Stones and Frank Sinatra. REFLECTION: What is a good (career) fit for one person may not be good for another. And sometimes we get lucky.

-A Taste of Honey which won four Grammys in 1965 was actually Side B of the original record. Herb Alpert convinced business partner Jerry Moss (who thought it was undanceable) to promote it based on audience reaction. REFLECTION: Listen to others, trust your instinct, and advocate for what you believe.

-I didn’t realize the beautiful abstract art slides during the concert were painted by him. He was a painter and sculptor since 1969, exhibiting in US, Europe and Asia. REFLECTION: We can move forward with talents in multiple directions. Honor where you are drawn to.

-Herb Alpert and his partner sold their A&M label to Polygram in 1990 for $500 million. He created the Herb Alpert Foundation that focuses on the Arts as well as Compassion and Well-being. REFLECTION: Main earnings may or may not come from core passion.

-While looking him up on-line, one of the suggested searches was inquiring about his “mental breakdown.” Indeed, it was the fall of 1969 when he had a dramatic moment of witnessing his unhappiness during a performance. It even affected his musicianship, and he entered many years of therapy.

In an interview with Los Angeles Magazine, Alpert said:

“Nothing was more important to me than finding my path, finding why I’m here: ‘What’s my mission in life?’ It was not just to be a celebrity or a guy who sold a lot of records. I did that, and it was nice, but it wasn’t going to be my salvation. I was looking for my reason for being. I was willing to throw my horn into the ocean if that’s what it took to find out. It was a long and winding road. It took years before I felt like I used to feel.”

REFLECTION: Nothing is more important than one’s mental health and self-awareness.

As a self-described introvert, he is frequently referred to as kind and prizing unfettered imagination and heartfelt sentiment.  I experienced him as unassuming and authentic. How would YOU like to be remembered?

Image through through Creative Commons through Expose